Xmas is right around the corner, and I hate it i really do hate it. Its hard to explain how much I hate it, but its turning into this burning pit of frustration in my stomach. I'm just so frustrated with this part of the year, ppl just expect too much, they overbook you, they want stuff, they expect you to be all peppy and sweet, to be there when shit goes down and worse.... you have to spend several days faking it.
I don't know what i dislike the most.... xmas(xmess) or New Years. New years is a mess as well. ppl getting all gushed up, drinking as if they were payed per bottle, entity etc, and there is the food, the ppl, the fireworks.... and then there is all the partying... the partying used to be okay, but i'm broke as shit and i just have such harsh pre-holiday anxiety that i can't find any joy in that either.
on top of everything my x bf (or my royal pain in the ass as he should be called from now on!) called me on Friday. out of the blue, it was just so fucking unexpected. He didn't have my number until then, b\c i changed it once he started to obsess about me and the break up. At first when he didn't have my number he started to send me emails on facebook, i stopped answering, then he showed up at my apartment, I didn't let him in. He tried to get me to agree to 'trying' to get back together with him.... I was doing pretty well until he called me, now i'm a walking disaster on two legs... and i can't even get my legs to function properly.
my best friend is laying next to me right now and she is telling me that I should grab a hold of myself, and that its not going to be as bad as i think. I'm not convinced.
you know those rosy glasses ppl talk about... well i don't own a pair of those, i do have on a swanky pair of 'life turns to shit' glasses, can you guess what color they are? Jepp! Brown
okay so... how did i get this fucked up when it comes to xmess holidays you ask...... well you put money, family, feuds, x bfs, x friends, grandparents, pressure and cold cold shitty weather in a mixer; you turn it on and volai! there you have it; a pessimistic attitude and i'm wearing the crown, b'c i'm the queen of this condition! LOl okay that was a bit dramatical, i'll admit. there are children who starve to death somewhere that is not here at this very moment. But hey! You know what... right now i'm going to be egocentric and forget about that... LOL i know for sure that it ain't gonna lift my mood :P
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment